


Sad Eyes and Sweet Tooth (a not!fic of events upto Goodbye for the Summer -- from Jack's POV)

by theonewiththeeyebrows



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Eric "Sweet-Tooth" Bittle, Jack "Sad-Eyes" Zimmerman, Jack Zimmerman POV, M/M, Not!Fic, but rewrite only until aforementioned chapter, contains spoilers for whole series, events upto Goodbye for the Summer, rewrite of sorts, self doubt, talk about anxiety, talk about peer pressure, talk about pressure from people of power, talk about substance abuse, talk of inability to cope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 11:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10097399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonewiththeeyebrows/pseuds/theonewiththeeyebrows
Summary: Doesn’t Jack just have the saddest eyes ever?  You just want to hug him all the time.I bet that Bitty bakes him stuff and cooks him his favorites all the time to cheer him up, but Jack is the happiest he’s ever been. He’s happiest with Bitty, even happier than he is on the ice (and he’s really happy when he’s on the ice).





	

**Author's Note:**

> (OH JEEZ THIS TURNED INTO A REALLY LONG NOT!FIC ABOUT THE WHOLE THING UPTO AND INCLUDING “GOODBYE FOR THE SUMMER” BUT FROM JACK POV – with spoilers for future chapters in the first few paragraphs). 
> 
> Written on tumblr (originally, deleted since posting here, as I added a few things here and there). 
> 
> This isn't really a very coherent piece. It's a collection of thoughts I had from Jack's POV. It kinda got out of hand so I decided to post it here (hence the not!fic tag). It should, however, be pretty chronological.

The guys see the small curl at the corner of his lips when he get off the ice, and they know Bitty’s visiting this weekend. Jack hasn’t really opened up to the guys, he’s always been pretty reserved and quiet, but they’re all older and intimidating. Marty reminds him of his dad a little, he’s so supportive and strong, he always lays a reassuring hand on Jack’s shoulder when they lose a game and Jack doesn’t feel like the world is crashing in on him anymore.

And then Bitty calls and the clouds lift anyways.

Jack likes the ice – he doesn’t have to talk or pretend when he’s on the ice. He is who he is. Pure ability and skill. He doesn’t have to be nice, or smart, or charming, or kind, or a thousand other adjectives. He doesn’t have to be anything other than who he is. He has the ability to see the way people move, and the ability to predict their actions, it’s something he’s always been good at, it’s why he’s a good hockey player and why he’s selected as one of the alternate captains. Many people think that the reason he’s tough on the game is because of his dad. Because he has to live up to some expectation. But that’s not it at all. It’s because he knows how he could have done better – he can replay the game over and over, and he can replay his movements, the feel of the ice beneath his blade, and how he miscalculated his movement by a couple of centimeters, can see the way his stick arc slightly off of how he intended, making the pucks trajectory change from his envisioned arc. He isn’t hard on himself because of other people, he’s hard on himself because he knows he can be better, that he’s letting the team down by not being able to play to his full potential.

With Bitty though, he doesn’t have to try. He doesn’t have to be anyone or anything. He just is. Bitty has this way of making the world seem brighter and more vibrant.

When Jack was a teenager, he never thought about love or romance, when he and Parse fell into each other, it was rough and violent. It wasn’t about soft words and stolen kisses. It wasn’t comfort and home. It was like playing hockey, skill and strategy, it was about winning. Parse was his friend, sure, but when vying for an NHL spot he was also his competitor. When Jack came to Samwell University he wasn’t even thinking about love or relationships, it was all about hockey, he figured he’d move to a different school after a couple of years because he’d have proved himself, but he found a good team, with good players and made good friends who had each others’ backs. When he was voted captain as a Sophomore and then again as a Junior, he couldn’t really turn his back on his family. Ransom & Holster set him up with Camilla for the Winter Screw Junior year, and he doesn’t really argue too much, because what was he going to say? She’s an amazing athlete, they become friends and keep in touch. He doesn’t give into Rands & Holtz’s demands again, he can’t quite explain why – but he tells them it’s hockey – and he supposes in a way it is true.  

Eric Richard Bittle, though, is a hurricane, a force of nature. He joins the SMH crew scared every time someone comes within 5 feet of him, but he’s like their teammate, spirit animal, mascot, and cheer team all rolled into one. Jack hates him at first. He can’t figure out how this tiny, skinny, little boy can help the team, and when he curls up on the ice the first time someone almost checks him, Jack is done. He curls his lip in disgust tells the kid to eat more protein and stalks away. The rest of the team loves the kid. He’s talkative, lovable and the guys rally around him like he’s a little bunny rabbit that needs rescuing. And the team is playing really well, when nobody is trying to check Bittle, he is fast and limber, he outmanoeuvres everyone, and is a good shot – so being the good captain he is, he does what he should he sucks it up and tries to help Bittle overcome his fear, by training it out of him. And even though Jack stays away, hiding in his room when the Haus gets too loud, he can feel this tiny blond Georgia boy worming his way under Jack’s skin and finding his home there. His incessant jabbering about something or the other, and the way Bittle mothers all the people on the team, making sure they’re all eating healthy, while still always trekking his way across campus to get to his dorm room, is endearing, and Jack begins to soften. He can’t help it. Jack corners Johnson and asks him if he’s given his dibs to anyone yet, and tells him that if he gives it to Bittle, he’ll owe him one. Johnson says he was going to anyways, he likes the way Bitty takes care of the team – but Jack can still owe him one. Jack punches Johnson in the arm. He promises to have Bittles back but he needs to win. He manages to score, and lets Bittle down. He’s never felt so ashamed of winning a game in his life. Especially when they lose the next one. Bittle still votes for him to be Captain and as he looks at him, he promises to always have Bittle's back, no matter what.

When they come back for pre-season training it’s intense. They’re all rusty from the summer, but they’re finding their groove until –. He finds Bittle crying on the back steps to the Faber Rink, he pulls him into a hug, and just lets him weep – Jack doesn’t ask Bittle what’s wrong, he was on the ice too. He just tells Bittle to be ready at 5 am and Bittle gives him a blinding smile through his tears that warms Jack all the way through. The frogs bring a whole new side to Hurricane Bittle, he momma hens them, and the rest of the team (and Jack) can’t help but look on fondly. Dex is constantly trying to fix the oven, and Bitty is going on about something, or humming along to some song he’s playing on his phone while baking or cooking. He’s in a class with Bittle, something about women, food and American culture. Jack’s never been much of a cook, but Bittle just says he’s got his back and Jack shrugs and keeps going to class with Bittle. They start cooking together once a week so that Jack can get better before the final project is due, and he’s terrible at it, but Bittle is always encouraging. They’re always chirping at each other so it can’t be too bad. Jack adores the little dude and he’s easy to be around and talk to. He blushes more when Jack chirps him, and Jack chirps him more just to see that happen, it's endearing. Shitty is giving him weird looks all the time, but he never says anything, so Jack doesn’t call him out on it. His agent calls to tell him they’re getting offers from teams – and his dad tells him it doesn’t matter and that he should play from the heart and pick the one that feels right. By the time the _Epikegster_ happens he’s gotten offers from 6 teams - the Providence Falconers*, the Las Vegas Aces*, the Los Angeles Kings, the Chicago Blackhawks, the Vancouver Canucks and the Seatte Schooners*. He’s in a good place, he’s been happy for a while now, but he’s not anxious about the future. He knows that no matter what he’ll be fine (he's already met the Falconer's AGM twice because it's the closest team). Bittle and Shitty refuse to let Jack close himself off in his room during the Epikegster ( _It's the last one, Braaah!_ ), but Bitty stays close by and he’s chirping Jack and it feels good, and Jack is about to chirp back and make him turn a brilliant red when Parse shows up. Jack doesn’t remember much of their conversation. He just remembers wanting Parse out and away from Bittle and the rest of the SMH team. He remembers Parse saying things that weren’t so nice about him, and the team and he remembers wanting to hit Parse, he remembers Parse trying to kiss him, he remembers letting him, he remembers pushing Parse off, okay so he remembers most of the argument. But what he remembers most is the startled wide-eyed look on Bitty’s face from where he was crouched on the floor between their rooms picking up his room key. He remembers the broken “Jack…” he called out when Jack slammed the door shut after Parse left. He remembers how much it ached to not open the door to Bittle.

When Jack looks back at his life, and his stint at rehab, he can’t really figure out how it all went wrong, his dad never forced him into hockey – that was Jack’s choice – _Jack’s_ dream. His dad was always supportive and even when he had his breakdown his dad looked at him with his big sad brown eyes and said _< “If your hearts not in it, son, don’t do it. Don’t do it for the fame or the money. That’s not worth anything if you’re miserable. I only want you to be happy, I love you so much.”>_. Jack’s pressure never came from “Bad Bob” Zimmerman, no matter what the press might say. His coaches Anderson Westworth and Charlie Best, though, were a different story. His friendship/secret relationship/rivalry with Parse didn't help. The combination pushed him over the edge. Jack didn’t care about being picked overall #1 on the draft. He didn’t care as long as he got to play hockey, but the shaming he got from his coaches was soul crushing. Parse tried to help, but they were kids and Jack didn’t love him like Parse loved Jack, and it was difficult to lose his best friend over unrequited feelings. But losing out on NHL because of all of that hurt the most, but looking back -- it was worth it. The whole journey was worth it because the people he met –- Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, Holster, the Frogs… Bittle –- they’ve made his life infinitely better. They made him the leader he’s meant to be. 

They start training in the Spring Semester with a Shinny because it’s still winter, and the weather is wonderful. Bitty bakes an amazing Chocolate Coconut Spiced Pie and the rest of frogs pack sandwiches for lunch. They make Bittle show off his figure skating moves, and when they’re sufficiently awed by his jumps and twirls, they mess around on the ice while Jack tapes his stick, and turns this “friendly game” into an actual practice. Jack’s been taking calls with his agent and AGMs and GMs the whole year around, but it isn’t until Shitty get’s his acceptance email from Harvard telling him he got into Law School that it really sets in that they’re about to graduate. But they’ve got a strong game going and they’ve had a winning streak, they’re heading towards the finals, his last match of his college career. It’s bittersweet. He’s standing at the ice taking photographs for his photography class, but it feels surreal. In a way things won’t change for him because he’s still going to be playing Hockey, but at the same time, it’ll be so different. Shitty chirps him for his melancholy and when they head back he can’t help but turn back to look at Bitty. He waits a beat taking in the sight before calling Bitty to get ready for the game. He throws his jersey into the bin outside the Loading deck because he knows exactly how things went south. He let his team down, again. It wasn’t even that he wasn’t focused on winning, he didn’t know what it was, but his team put everything into the game, and their captain wasn’t there 100%. The door opens, and he turns around, and Bittle’s there, always Bittle. And Jack can’t help it, when Bittle's lean arms come around him he turns and breaks down, pulling the smaller man close, his face pressed against Bitty’s neck -- Jack couldn’t leave behind a trophy as his legacy.

Shitty has always been Jack’s best friend, everyone thinks they knew each other before college, but they met freshman year, when everyone treated Jack like a Pariah (because he was a couple of years older and had a history of drug abuse) – Shitty looked at him cracked an inappropriate joke told him he didn’t give two shits what the past had as long as he played well and had his back. Shitty and Jack become inseparable after that. When Jack became an invaluable player, and eventually got voted Team Captain, it was all because of the ground work Shitty had put into defending Jack when Jack wasn’t around. Jack found out when Johnson got drunk one night and blabbed their sophomore year. Jack had gotten the outgoing Team Captain’s dibs, and Shitty had gotten his dibs the year later. But in all the time Jack had known Shitty there were two constants that had never changed, one was the flow, and the second was the mustache. So when Shitty announces “The Chop”, it is an event – there is a funeral procession, and a eulogy is read and it is three kinds of ridiculous. But Jack looks on fondly at this crazy crew he calls a family.

When Jack first met George Martin he was surprised. He wasn’t expecting this strong, bull-headed, charming woman. But she’s brilliant and strong, and she makes him feel comfortable and right. He feels comfortable in his own skin and it’s amazing – he doesn’t feel like he has to pretend to be someone he isn’t with her. His agent tells him the Falconers aren’t as “big” of a team, or as big of a paycheck, but he isn’t in it for the money. He still meets with the other AGMs as a courtesy. His friends help him try to pick a team, finally it’s his dad, and a middle of the night conversation with Bitty that help him because they both tell him the same thing they’ve always told him, they’re both variations of - “Do what feels right, Jack, follow your heart.” and “If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. Go with your gut, you know your gut’s always right when you’re on the ice.”

He signs on with the Providence Falconers. Bitty bakes him his favorite Maple Crusted Apple Pie, and smacks Shitty’s hands when he reaches for a piece, even when Jack is stuffed. “That’s all for Jack.” I’ll bake ya’ll a different pie tomorrow, that pie never comes because the oven dies a sad death. It’s surprising that it lasted as long as it did. But Jack sees how sad Bitty is and he knows Bitty’s birthday is coming up, so the suggestion is easy enough to make. After all, Bittle has provided this house with more food than anyone else has, and they agree. The headache of coordinating the whole thing is worth every agonizing moment when Bitty turns red, hugs him tightly and cries so hard Jack’s shirt is soaked by the time he pulls away. The rest of the crew chirp Bitty about it all evening but Bitty is so happy, Jack’s heart swells with happiness too.

When Bittle leaves for the Haus after Graduation, Jack feels like he’s missed something. And when he’s said his goodbyes the feeling hasn’t gone. He’s playing with the tie Bitty picked for him and fixed earlier on in the evening. It’s funny how his dad always gives him the best advice, even though for some reason his dad’s nickname is “Bad Bob”. He runs to the Haus. Why is it so far away from the main quad? He’s out of breath when he reaches, and Bitty isn’t in his room, but when he turns there he is, in Jack’s old room, folding laundry, sniffing, playing that stupid song he was singing the shower that one day. It’s his favorite thing in the world, listening to Bittle sing that song. 

Bittle’s eyes go wide when he sees him, and he starts fussing over Jack, as he always does, and Jack can’t help it, he has to shut him up, so Jack presses his mouth to Bitty’s, and pulls him close. He pulls away to look at Bitty, but Bitty hasn’t moved an inch, his mouth parted slightly, eyes closed and Jack can’t help but lean down again, and Bitty presses back slightly, kissing him softly, tentatively. A buzz pulls him out of the haze, and he pulls away when there is a second buzz, Bitty is looking up at him, face flushed, eyes half lidded, and,  _Chrisse,_ if it isn’t the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His phone buzzes again, he has 20 missed calls and messages, he has to go. But how can he leave, when he’s just gotten everything he never knew he wanted. He promises to text Bitty. And he’s about to head out, but Bitty looks so beautiful, standing there in the soft glow of the afternoon sun filtering through the window of his old room, so he steps closer and kisses him again before running back to his family, but he texts Bitty as he jogs back to the quad.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything. This was written as fanwork for [Check Please!](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com) which is a webcomic written and drawn by Ngozi Ukazu. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please leave a comment/review & kudos, please. I'd really love to hear what you thought of my thoughts.


End file.
